JP Cooper
Singer and Songwriter
The Voice of His Gremlin
“You alone are not enough”
Its birthplace is the record label board room.
You take in the stuff that really moves you and it’s visible when they’re not excited by it. When this pattern keeps repeating itself, after a while you just stop taking in the stuff that means something to you. You can’t bear to have them be blank about it.
He’s weak, but a large presence. He’s constantly interjecting and telling me that me alone is not enough, that I need help from somebody else. He stops me from trusting my own true vision … He needs a slap.
What people would deem as my biggest successes have creatively meant very little to me. So it does make me question my judgement and as result of that it affects how I make decisions in the creative process.
Which way do I take it? I get swayed towards trying to create for somebody else rather than for my own experience.
Before I just trusted, followed my nose and was willing to be playful with it; but little by little anything that is of me or of my excitement got shunned. It’s manipulative, not intentionally, but it meant I didn’t want to share the true essence of me anymore because I had the fear it wouldn’t move anyone, or be worth any praise.
It’s a bit of imposter syndrome. I never really planned to be there in the first place, but I oddly felt obliged to stay. Being in this situation takes me away from my greatness and sadly that’s where I have been existing.
It leads to a bit of procrastination; there are times where I don’t even start. I think ‘I should do some work today’, but then I think ‘maybe I won’t be at my greatest today, maybe tomorrow will be better’.
It developed as a result of a simply reward system, where gradually you’re dancing to their tune. It’s so gradual that you don’t see it happening until it’s too late. I’m not upset with myself for it; it’s not something I’m ashamed of. It is what it is and there is peace and liberation in recognising it and now I have to do right by myself.
I guess having stepped outside of my comfort zone, means I’ve learnt things that I can apply to my own vision.