Liam Francis
Dancer, Choreographer and Director of The Artistic Gremlins
The Voice of His Gremlin
“You’re not ready“
I don’t have any extra knowledge I just have an idea and ideas are something that everyone has. I haven’t taken that step that other people have.
My gremlin makes me feel like being in a position of leadership requires me to have unique experiences that no one else has had. If the people around me have had similar experiences; it tells me I am not ready.
I shouldn’t be the person to do this because I’ve taken the wrong route.
I’m very much someone that has lots of ideas and I want to do everything, so I don’t have time to take the traditional pathway. I’ve had a different pathway to those around me and when I look at them they seem to have taken the ‘right’ journey. It makes sense that their journey has led them here, but mine is a mish-mash, which feeds my gremlin.
I’m constantly having to talk to myself. I’m constantly unpicking my thoughts to counteract my gremlin, whilst my body is continuing to hold up this façade. There is this real duality of my mind saying ‘you’re not ready’ and also saying ‘please be kind’, while my body is trying to stay calm.
I worry about my support system, my route. I worry that if what i’m creating goes wrong it will collapse and I will be falling into the abyss with nothing to hold onto.
I have to convince people that my support system is this intangible energy inside my skull; I can’t get it out and show it to you in certificates, qualifications or previously done work. It’s just this thing.
My Gremlin thrives in ‘the end of the beginning’
The beginning is the idea in my head, I very rarely doubt this. If it’s in my head I can achieve it. The end is trying to convince people that live in the real world and not in my head.
I perceive that having an idea, belief or faith is enough for me but not for others. That’s when the Gremlin creeps up because it tells me: perhaps I don’t have the support structure to convince them.
I can counteract the strength of this gremlin by talking to fellow artists, realising everyone has these internal dialogues and remembering that these thoughts don’t mean you’re not capable of achieving something.
The aim is to journey in a way that is the least destructive to you mentally and in a way that doesn’t stop you from creating.
My Gremlin can be quietened if I focus on the steps and not the marathon. Rather than looking ahead and saying I want to create this thing but I don’t have the skills; what steps can I take with the skills that I do have? Focus on the bricks rather than the wall.