Ivan Michael Blackstock
Artistic Director, Multidisciplinary Artist and Cultural Innovator
The Voice of His Gremlin
‘‘Come on’’
I stuttered as a child, so for a very long time I thought I was very stupid because the way I think is different, the way I would speak was different
My Gremlin is really good at knowing when to hide and just be quiet. But he knows when to turn my memory off so I go blank and I can pretty much forget everything, like a vacuum.
I desensitise myself from the task at hand, I try to move as far away from the task as possible. It is paralysis. It is the repetition of the contemplation of the possibilities or disaster of events.
My Gremlin is paralysis. It has seeped outside of my creative space into my life. I have tools for dealing with it, but it can come in dribs and drabs. Sometimes I can be good but when it comes back it’s very strong to the point where I’m like, ‘how will I conquer this beast?’
At the moment I’m making a work that I’m scared to dive into because it’s a bit like the Heath Ledger Joker; I have to sit with this thing and sometimes I don’t have the energy. What I need to do is use those tools, which I know are there, and I should use them to deal with this.
Sometimes I feel like it’s still there but it’s weaker because I’ve empowered myself.